so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did I show you my penis last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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