I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize