genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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