so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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