Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
