Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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