Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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