his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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