i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if only i could text you this smell
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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