roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
a search helicopter?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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