Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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