don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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