I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
