How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
