why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
