Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
