there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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