College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
