She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
