I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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