If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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