My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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