Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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