2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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