I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
