Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
