fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think my moral compass just broke
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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