you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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