dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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