i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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