Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
