My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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