All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
