I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I want a musical about memes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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