I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
false alarm, still single
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
