so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
