Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
