do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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