He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
