he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
