Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
