oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
