Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I enjoy the company of your penis
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
