tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
