Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
