You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
