P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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