do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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