Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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