there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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