So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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