so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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