The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
