So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
