im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
