I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
