Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
