Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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