im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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